TO INFINITY AND BEYOND

Friday, April 13, 2012 § Leave a comment

“You are special” is a mantra peddled in classrooms, children’s books, self-help-books and on facebook. It leaves room for interpretation, but mostly it comes wrapped in ideas of destiny, plans the universe has for you and great gifts and talents bestowed unto you.

Obviously, none of that is true. The universe doesn’t give a single fuck about you. You might get hit by a bus tomorrow, get terminally ill, your whole country might be buried by a tsunami or a nuclear disaster wipes us all out.

The mantra is true only in so far as you can be special. The universe hasn’t chosen you, but you have choices! You can develop new ideas, learn new things, apply yourself in unique ways, and create a new path.

Mantras that place the onus away from you to some other power are a cop-out. That’s what makes them so appealing. Being chosen takes no courage, making choices does.

If you want to be special, don’t wait for the universe to give you a personal call: courageously go where no man has gone before you.

“YOU ARE AN SOB AND I AM DONE TALKING TO YOU”

Thursday, April 12, 2012 § Leave a comment

Bringing a bunch of people together that agree on everything can be fun, but we know that it’s not what will make the team win the innovation prize. On the other hand, bringing a group together that is at odds with each other appears to bring about a lot of friction and little to show for it.

So when putting our team together at work or at play, we often opt for the easy-hopping-consenting-team [pink quadrant]. How many of your friends have a different political leaning, or view on food, spending money, religion, raising children, making money, gay-marriage and Israel-Palestine?

But, agreeing on things going into discussions doesn’t create a learning and growth opportunity. Can we have discussions that are fun and challenging?

Yep! Take shared values + different views points!

If we feel comfortable with each others’ values, our different approach, background and knowledge become an asset, as we exchange each others’ different insights and develop new thoughts. [blue quadrant]

If we distrust each others’ values, the different viewpoints become a threat and the discussion cannot become constructive.

Conclusion: Establish shared values and motivations and assemble groups with vastly different points of view.

ANSWER EVIL WITH FORCE, ANSWER MISGUIDED WITH GUIDANCE

Wednesday, April 11, 2012 § Leave a comment

This post runs long, so I am starting with the conclusions, in case you can’t be bothered to read the rest.

Conclusions:
1. Human nature is not so much to be obedient (follow an order), but to please (want to be accepted). We want to comply, fit in, be accepted, participate, contribute, and be a member of the tribe. From an evolutionary perspective that makes sense: the tribe protects and you are accepted if you conform. We are willing to make great sacrifices for the tribe in the form of what we are willing to do unto others and what we are willing to do unto ourselves. This can have dramatically bad and some good consequences.
2. If we believe that people tend to be obedient, it has consequences for the mindset and policy with which we engage with them. Evil actions are then a consequence of blind followership. In that world you have to answer force with force and aim to replace the leadership.
3. Rather, if you believe people are pleasers, the world looks different. Instead of answering force with force, great power then derives from integrity, compassion and communication. If we want to change people’s line of actions, we don’t have to replace their current structure of order-compliance with our own authority. Our mission becomes to change their conception of the tribe they belong to and to make them aware of their choices.
4. Through that lens, the motives of the leader don’t look that different from the follower anymore. The leader too looks for affirmation.
5. For ourselves the lesson is that we need to be wary of our desire to please. At all times, we must be mindful of our power to choose and that we must choose from our own conscience. This is of highest moral and spiritual importance.

The background:
You are likely familiar with the Milgram experiment: When requested to give electric shocks to a stranger in a teacher-student-learning set-up, 65% of participants continued to increase the voltage all the way to 450-volts. Milgram and scientific community have described the several times replicated results as exemplifying our obedient nature. The results of the experiment itself suggest something different though.

If the subject of the experiment was hesitating at any time to increase the electric shocks to the “student,” the experimenter had four prods ready in response:
1. Please continue.
2. The experiment requires that you continue.
3. It is absolutely essential that you continue.
4. You have no other choice, you must go on.
The four prods escalate. The 1st is a friendly request, the 2nd is a firm request, until the 4th one is an order: “You must go on.” As the subject struggled to increase the voltage, the experimenter would move through the prods step-by-step. When the subject’s hesitation maintained, the experimenter escalated and eventually would voice the order: “You have no other choice, you must go on.”

At that point, 100% of the subjects stopped.

If obedience had been the key characteristic that drove the subjects’ actions, then the direct order should have had a complying response. Instead it was this moment when the subjects woke up to their own agency and pronounced some version of, “But I do have a choice. I will not continue.” This result suggests that the subjects were not following an order before the fourth prod either. Instead, they were looking to please, to serve even – to please the instructor and to please and serve the scientific purpose of the experiment as it had been presented to them.

5. For ourselves the lesson is that we need to be wary of our desire to please. At all times, we must be mindful of our power to choose and that we must choose from our own conscience.

This post is derived from a great piece by WNYC Radiolab that you can find here:
http://www.radiolab.org/2012/jan/09/

WSJ: Business Skills and Buddhist Mindfulness

Tuesday, April 10, 2012 § Leave a comment

Who said that we weren’t onto something:
LINK TO WSJ – Business Skills and Buddhist Mindfulness

INSTINCTIVE / MINDFUL RESPONSE

Tuesday, April 10, 2012 § Leave a comment

Eat all the calories accessible to me until I am physically full / Eat what’s nourishing and sufficient

Feel threatened in a conversation, releasing adrenalin to run away or physically attack / Consider calmly the options available to me in the conversation

Let my mind race from stimuli to stimuli / Concentrate with a calm mind

Chase after every skirt and the “biggest” pair of pants (?) / Build a loving and resourceful relationship

Avoid change / Initiate change

Fit in / Stand out

The elephant developed in a world centered around physical danger and survival. To get from the instinctive response to the mindful response we have to tame the elephant.
EVERY TRICK IS ALLOWED…

WE ARE AWESOME and FOR THE REST, EVERY TRICK IS ALLOWED

Friday, April 6, 2012 § 2 Comments

“The best you is you with more self-discipline”
BEING THE BEST YOU

When it comes to making ourselves more disciplined, every trick is allowed:
– Writing down goals
– Setting (artificial) deadlines
– Creating rewards
– Creating penalties
– Telling friends
– Setting up or joining a team
– Making a routine sacred

Jonathan Haidt (http://www.happinesshypothesis.com/) describes our brain as made up of a rider on top of an elephant.

The elephant represents our instinctive brain – developed over millions of years and common with much of the animal kingdom – it allows us to catch a frisbee mid-air, while holding a Budweiser in the other hand, yelling “Wazzzzzupp” and meanwhile breathing and conducting all other essential functions. The elephant is awesome: People are Awesome

The rider represents the more recently developed capabilities of the brain, giving us humans complex language skills, allowing us to form abstract thoughts and be self-aware. While our abilities far exceed those of animals, our mental capacity for analytical processing is still quite impotent. It’s easy to imagine a science fiction world where our ability to solve math problems and play chess is magnitudes better than our struggling to compute 7 x 14 brains now. The rider is a pretty clever dude, but only a little speck on the awesomely mighty elephant.

When we sit in front of a piece of candy, the elephant has long-established reasons to “go for it”. Evolutionary speaking, taking in calories has long been our friend. Being fat is only a recent problem. The rider can recognize the problems with the candy eating. In a straight up match of strength with the elephant though, the rider doesn’t stand a chance. Only with clever trickery and distraction can the rider steer the elephant away/to something else.

Conclusions:
1. The elephant and the rider are both you.
2. Don’t ever think you can get rid of the elephant or beat it.
3. Where instincts are your best guide, let ‘em rip.
4. In matters where instincts guide you poorly, have the rider steer the elephant lovingly and playfully with every trick in the book.

NON-ATTACHMENT and PASSION

Thursday, April 5, 2012 § Leave a comment

The notion of non-attachment in Buddhist psychology might suggest to you that Buddha proposed to live without passion and thus avoid disappointment. That to live without passion is the price to pay to buy a degree of content. “No passion, no cry,” as Bob Marley might sing.

That’s a misunderstanding.

When we describe someone as passionate, we are noting the love, devotion, concentration and energy with which they DO something. Passion does not necessitate that they are good at it, nor that they are accomplishing something remarkable.

If you are passionate about playing the violin, you don’t care about the size of your audience, or the money it makes you. (You might still care for those things – to put dinner on your plate – but the rewards are not what drives your passion.)

Acting out of passion, you are not attached to the outcome or the appearance, but the act of your expression is itself your goal and reward.

Lifting your gaze from what you are trying to accomplish, and instead remembering what you love doing, is a good recipe to reawaken your passion.

FITTING IN SOME INNOVATION

Wednesday, April 4, 2012 § Leave a comment

Fitting in with the tribe was a life-saving necessity for our evolutionary ancestors. Still today, in many instances, it’s a decent strategy to avoid getting kicked off the team, fired from the job, ostracized by the posse or disowned by family.

It is not a strategy for innovation, personal expression, personal growth and personal fulfillment.

Maybe most importantly, making fitting-in one’s guide can have tragic moral consequences when we are in the wrong environment.

WNYC Radiolab did a fantastic piece on the Milgram experiment. You can listen to or download the podcast here and I highly recommend it:
http://www.radiolab.org/2012/jan/09/.
I will write more about it in the coming days.

FROM FEAR TO LOVE

Monday, April 2, 2012 § Leave a comment

Step 1

The short version
What is, is.

Gesundheit! What?

The long version

Life is one of the harshest: we age, we die, we lose our looks, we get sick, we could lose our jobs and wealth at any moment, we could lose our partners, friends, families, the earth could shake, the bombs could drop,…we are completely out of control of almost everything around us.

All the circumstances that we might use to describe ourselves could disappear from one second to the next and who are we then? Sometimes people’s story of their identity gets shattered and they are so distraught by it that they consider suicide.

But then,…
Life is one of the lightest: we are free to be any which way we want, we can break expectations from dusk til dawn, we can reinvent ourselves in any moment of our lives, complete and utter failure changes nothing really important. Aging, decay and death come and there is no benefit in worrying about it, just the opposite. We can define ourselves independent of the circumstances that we partake in; we can define ourselves by how we respond to our circumstances.

To hold up pretensions is exhausting of energy and draining of self-respect. We are anxious to confront reality and scared to be found out. To give up pretensions frees us up for recognizing opportunity, for growth, for change. This is obviously true for us individually, as well as for groups, businesses and nations.

Pretense has temptations, but in every moment we can choose to give into it, or to be real with ourselves and others.

WISDOMS

Sunday, April 1, 2012 § Leave a comment

Some of the wisest quotes I have seen over the years:

“Everything will turn out well.”
“Everything happens for a reason.”
“If you put your mind to it, you can achieve anything.”
“The Universe knows best.”
“Find Mr./Mrs. Right and you will be happily ever after.”
“Always go to other peoples’ funerals, otherwise they won’t go to yours.” – Yogi Berra

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