Click & Clack, Laughter Therapy
Tuesday, November 4, 2014 § Leave a comment
One time a caller explained that he runs his engine before filling in new oil, so that all of the old oil really gets cleaned out. Tom’s and Ray’s response “I like that you are thinking, but remember the saying: If you don’t think too good, don’t think too much!”
When someone called Click & Clack, they had a good chance at being called “a moron” and a 100% assurance of being laughed at. Tom & Ray on air were not just witty. Their warmth towards each other and callers was such that we all participated in the relief that comes from recognizing that we are all morons. Frequently telling stories of their own follies and yanking each other’s chain they allowed everyone else to come forward with their vulnerability. The car issue at hand was the hook for callers to share insecurity. Cars – maybe still an unsurpassed symbol of status and identity – were the perfect platform for a dialogue about “what kind of person are you?”, “how do you conduct your relationships?”, “what kind of communication and action is authentic to you?” Their answer: Tom’s laugh invited us to not take ourselves too seriously and to compassionately share our fallibility with each other.
Thank you for the countless laughs and the warm fuzzy feeling!
Here’s one piece of their brilliant thinking from http://www.cars.com/go/advice/Story.jsp?section=top&subject=more&story=car-talk-car-features&referer=&year=
Features we’d like to see in all cars:
10. ‘Sorry!’ Button
Is there anything that we need more on the roads today than a “Sorry!” button? We often do bad or dumb things when we drive, and we have no way to communicate remorse. It might just lead to a little more civility.
As it stands now, when you tick off another driver, he or she has little choice but to remind you that you’re a moron. Then you have to retaliate with a clever retort like, “Oh, yeah? Well, you’re a moron, too!” Say you’re sorry, though, and you break the cycle. A “Sorry!” button could defuse a lot of otherwise explosive situations — not to mention, it would generate a good deal of karma.
While we’re at it, we’d like to have two buttons, “Sorry!” and “You jerk!” Except when you press the “Jerk” button … your car still says, “I’m sorry!” Nice, huh? We thought so.
WHEN WE ARE HURT
Thursday, September 20, 2012 § Leave a comment
The hardest moment to invest vulnerability into a relationship is when we are acutely hurt. That’s also the moment with the potential for the biggest pay-off. When we are hurt, our instinct is primitive: fight or flight. If we can create some space for our response, we can find courage for vulnerability.
The flight response is to disappear, or to quit internally, maybe dissing the partner/the boss to other people, while just running through the motions. You know the couple that keeps saying “I love you”, when you happen to know that at least one of them is fuming inside; or the colleague who tells you every day how much they hate their job, while their boss knows them as all smiles.
The fight response is to attack the person that you see as having hurt you. Some attacks come dressed up, wanting to seem like they are investments. Maybe you are asking your partner to go to therapy together, or you are going to your boss’s boss to provide feedback, or you are writing a long letter that describes your understanding of past situations, or maybe you cry. Likely, the strongest message your partner/boss receives from all of these is: “my hurt is your fault!”
The fight response is vastly better than the flight response. Attacking still disguises your hurt, but it gives your partner a better chance of recognizing it. Hiding your pain beneath a veil of normal makes it much harder to spot.
Growth of your relationship can only occur though, when you are sharing vulnerability.
If you are checked-out of your relationship, your friendship, or your job you ought to start by growing a pair.
If you are in attack mode, you are still invested. Then stop searching the faults of the other person, but contemplate instead further why you are so hurt. Communicating that is vulnerability. That creates the chance for resolve and growth of the relationship.
If you are not willing to do that – then that’s on you!
CUT THE “SHOULD”
Friday, March 23, 2012 § Leave a comment
There are a bunch of questions that we get stuck with, because they don’t have an answer on any plane that is meaningful.
One group of such questions are “should” questions:
“Should I quit my job/take that job?”
“Should I marry/divorce my partner?”
“Should I move to another city?”
I can save you time: cut the “should.”
Ever so subtly, the “should” introduces the notion that there is some meaningful path preset for us and all we have to do is find it. There isn’t. It’s all up to you. That is liberating and burdensome at the same time.
The notion of “being authentic” is not at all the same idea as “being your true self.” If you are looking for your true self, you’ll find it’s like peeling an onion. You peel the layers away and there’s nothing at the center. “Authentic” comes from “author” – write your own life. It’s not written yet so there is no page on which to look up what is “supposed to happen next.”
Instead of the “should” questions, replace them with “want” questions.
Business Buddhism 