LISTENING WITH ONE EAR OR ANOTHER
Wednesday, March 21, 2012 § Leave a comment
“You fucking asshole, I hate you!” seems like a pretty clear communication on how the speaker feels about “you.”
Then it makes sense to spend considerable energy answering questions such as, “Am I an asshole? Why does he hate me?”
Only it doesn’t.
Voiced aggression reveals much more about the state of mind of the speaker than it does about you, the recipient. You might well be a trigger, but unless you attacked and threatened the speaker, their aggression is likely to be an expression of anxiety and aggravation that is independent of you.
The questions then become, “What is aggravating the speaker? How can I learn more about the speaker’s situation and frame of reference? How can I help?”
Instead of playing defense on your own border, these questions lead you to engage and transform the situation.
UNREASONABLE
Tuesday, March 13, 2012 § Leave a comment
That person that you find completely unreasonable –
you are doing a shitty job of understanding their reasons.
Granted: they might not be good at sharing their reasons, they don’t want to reveal their reasons or they might not themselves have understood their reasons. Each of those cases represents a great opportunity for you though.
If you can make sense of the person that everyone else finds unreasonable, then you become indispensable for that person (and possibly for others that benefit from your understanding) – be it your client, your boss, your spouse or a friend.
Listen better, build trust better, and understand better. The premise you need to believe: everybody has their reasons.
Business Buddhism 