Breathing and letting go
Thursday, July 9, 2015 § Leave a comment
It was seriously fucking time for this:
“I am human, I consider nothing human alien to me”
Tuesday, January 27, 2015 § Leave a comment
Today marks the 70th anniversary of the arrival of Russian forces liberating Jewish and other prisoners in Auschwitz. When I was a teenager at home in Germany, we watched all the black and white original film materials that were frequently shown on TV: the gas chambers, starved prisoners, dead prisoners piled up in heaps, the fences… How could one group of humans be so cruel towards another group of humans?
Growing up in Germany, it was a small step to recognize that little separates me from the Nazis – time, place, and my immediate environment/family. “I am a human, I consider nothing human alien to me”- Terence. Our potential for cruelty is human. That potential doesn’t actualize if we cultivate and utilize our capacity for love and compassion. Recognizing kinship with the other, compassion and care forms automatically.
Click & Clack, Laughter Therapy
Tuesday, November 4, 2014 § Leave a comment
One time a caller explained that he runs his engine before filling in new oil, so that all of the old oil really gets cleaned out. Tom’s and Ray’s response “I like that you are thinking, but remember the saying: If you don’t think too good, don’t think too much!”
When someone called Click & Clack, they had a good chance at being called “a moron” and a 100% assurance of being laughed at. Tom & Ray on air were not just witty. Their warmth towards each other and callers was such that we all participated in the relief that comes from recognizing that we are all morons. Frequently telling stories of their own follies and yanking each other’s chain they allowed everyone else to come forward with their vulnerability. The car issue at hand was the hook for callers to share insecurity. Cars – maybe still an unsurpassed symbol of status and identity – were the perfect platform for a dialogue about “what kind of person are you?”, “how do you conduct your relationships?”, “what kind of communication and action is authentic to you?” Their answer: Tom’s laugh invited us to not take ourselves too seriously and to compassionately share our fallibility with each other.
Thank you for the countless laughs and the warm fuzzy feeling!
Here’s one piece of their brilliant thinking from http://www.cars.com/go/advice/Story.jsp?section=top&subject=more&story=car-talk-car-features&referer=&year=
Features we’d like to see in all cars:
10. ‘Sorry!’ Button
Is there anything that we need more on the roads today than a “Sorry!” button? We often do bad or dumb things when we drive, and we have no way to communicate remorse. It might just lead to a little more civility.
As it stands now, when you tick off another driver, he or she has little choice but to remind you that you’re a moron. Then you have to retaliate with a clever retort like, “Oh, yeah? Well, you’re a moron, too!” Say you’re sorry, though, and you break the cycle. A “Sorry!” button could defuse a lot of otherwise explosive situations — not to mention, it would generate a good deal of karma.
While we’re at it, we’d like to have two buttons, “Sorry!” and “You jerk!” Except when you press the “Jerk” button … your car still says, “I’m sorry!” Nice, huh? We thought so.
SLOW BREATH, FAST MIND
Thursday, April 17, 2014 § Leave a comment
When we stress, oxygen goes to our muscles, our focus narrows on what is physically in front of us and we are altogether getting ready for a physical response.
When we breathe slowly, our body cannot stress. When we are relaxed, our mind can think clearly, creatively and empathetically.
HARDER, BETTER, FASTER, STRONGER
Sunday, December 23, 2012 § Leave a comment
Be wiser, not stronger. Different!
Be wiser, not richer.
Wiser, not more successful.
Wiser, not more acclaimed.
Wiser, not more respected.
Wiser, not more loved.
EFFICIENTLY LOST or HERE’S A LOLLIPOP
Sunday, October 14, 2012 § Leave a comment
Increasing efficiency can be fun. I suspect it’s deeply ingrained in our instincts. Say you are washing the dishes after a party. Starting randomly, within a few seconds you might be looking to set up a little assembly line, optimizing around quick, simple and repeat movements.
There are shelves of books about efficiency gains. “Read your email only once an hour,” and “schedule time to think,” might be tips you read. Most are valid techniques. They are a red-herring for most though. Some of the most efficient people I know are also the most ineffective. They are slaves to their systems of efficiency and often have completely lost the plot on what they are working for in the first place. They go home with accomplishments such as:
“I have no unread emails in my inbox.”
That’s fantastic! Here’s your lollipop as a reward.
Efficiency goals that are dependent on external events are the worst. “No unanswered emails in my inbox at the end of the day,” sounds like a worthy goal of responsiveness. The consequence of it is that you lose all control over where you are allocating your time – you are reflexively reacting to an unfiltered onslaught – any asshole takes your time.
If you are finding yourself looking up efficiency tips, or worse, you are already caught up in some manic system, I suggest you meditate on what’s lacking in your motivation and your clarity about your goals.
Efficiency is worthy, if it makes you more effective. If you are clear on your mission, efficiency comes about organically. Everything sorts itself naturally into an order against the question “how does it support my objective?”
PASSIONATE ABOUT YOUR WORK
Wednesday, October 3, 2012 § Leave a comment
“Passion is not something you follow. It’s something that will follow you as you put in the hard work to become valuable to the world.”
WHEN WE ARE HURT
Thursday, September 20, 2012 § Leave a comment
The hardest moment to invest vulnerability into a relationship is when we are acutely hurt. That’s also the moment with the potential for the biggest pay-off. When we are hurt, our instinct is primitive: fight or flight. If we can create some space for our response, we can find courage for vulnerability.
The flight response is to disappear, or to quit internally, maybe dissing the partner/the boss to other people, while just running through the motions. You know the couple that keeps saying “I love you”, when you happen to know that at least one of them is fuming inside; or the colleague who tells you every day how much they hate their job, while their boss knows them as all smiles.
The fight response is to attack the person that you see as having hurt you. Some attacks come dressed up, wanting to seem like they are investments. Maybe you are asking your partner to go to therapy together, or you are going to your boss’s boss to provide feedback, or you are writing a long letter that describes your understanding of past situations, or maybe you cry. Likely, the strongest message your partner/boss receives from all of these is: “my hurt is your fault!”
The fight response is vastly better than the flight response. Attacking still disguises your hurt, but it gives your partner a better chance of recognizing it. Hiding your pain beneath a veil of normal makes it much harder to spot.
Growth of your relationship can only occur though, when you are sharing vulnerability.
If you are checked-out of your relationship, your friendship, or your job you ought to start by growing a pair.
If you are in attack mode, you are still invested. Then stop searching the faults of the other person, but contemplate instead further why you are so hurt. Communicating that is vulnerability. That creates the chance for resolve and growth of the relationship.
If you are not willing to do that – then that’s on you!
CHANGE AND THINGS ARE GOING TO GET WORSE!
Sunday, September 9, 2012 § Leave a comment
Our fear of change has some pretty good arguments on its side.
Not only is there risk of failure everywhere, we often KNOW that things will get worse before they have a chance to get better.
The status quo typically runs with a decent efficiency. To change something meaningfully necessitates that we upset that efficiency. Things will get worse.
Maybe you have a job that’s OK,
a relationship that’s functioning pretty well,
a business model that’s keeping you afloat,
or a golf swing that’s not costing you a ton of balls.
If you are happy where you are, good for you – but then there can’t be any complaining.
If you want more, it’s helpful to recognize that you will need to measure yourself differently as you are going through change than in the efficient static system. Embrace the dip that you have to get through – you can’t avoid it. It’s idiotic to compare your game with past scores when you are in the middle of changing up your golf swing.
Business Buddhism 